When I launched Heyman Partners over nine years ago, I liked to boast that I had a “like threshold” for clients: I wouldn’t work with them if I didn’t like their mission and their leadership team. It was a rather smug comment, but at the time I thought it was clever. It wasn’t, and it was also wrong!
What I’ve learned over the past decade is that Like is a horrible screening process and not worth very much at all (just like Likes on social media, which appear to be going the way of MySpace….) What’s more meaningful, and more powerful, is Love. Love is about letting in, about seeing, about hearing and about connecting. It’s not a criterion or a filter or an emoji; it is an action that requires exquisite presence, compassion, and strength. And, it can bloom in the most unexpected places. It may not surprise you that some of my most difficult clients are the ones I love most fiercely. Why? Because they allow themselves to be honest (even when it’s not attractive), challenge me to suspend my judging self (and thus grow), and are often grappling with incredibly real, raw issues and traits (working at the – ahem – heart of things).
Leadership is a love affair. We must fall in love with the people we serve.
Joyce Banda, former President of the Republic of Malawi
The leaders I coach and advise all want to be great – visionary, effective, and successful. Their work, and our partnership, also involves identifying how they can lead from the heart, and from a deep place of humanity. As Jerry Colonna so beautifully notes in Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up, one of the most important stances we can take is that of the Warrior (hello Yogis!): a strong straight back (strategy, tactics, operating systems, funding) and an open heart (listening, being vulnerable, building trust, practicing compassion for ourselves and others).
To do this, we start by creating space for ourselves and our teams to be most fully themselves. We see what is, and then work towards where we want to go. Together. We speak honestly and respectfully. We set healthy boundaries. We embrace the messiness of what it means to be human, then do the work.
A leader, first and foremost, is human. Only when we have the strength to show our vulnerability can we lead.
Simon Sinek
This past fall, I attended a fantastic dinner hosted by NationSwell on Love and Leadership. The stories shared by everyone were diverse, funny, and truthful. I especially enjoyed the skeptics, who worried about over-emoting and being unprofessional, and challenged us to be practical. My take away was that love, and loving leadership, is not about tears, hugs and confessional statements (although these are fine when welcomed by those present) it’s about having the courage to show up as ourselves, see others similarly, take responsibility for our words and actions, and recognize the value we each bring to the table.
